She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
zippers are such a cool invention
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
