We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
