Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
