Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
