I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
