how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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