Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
