I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
