it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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