when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
