I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
