4 words: hood of his car
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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