Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
