My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
