"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
