that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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