Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
