I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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