ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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