He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
