He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
