im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
