I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
