I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
