u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had sex on a roof
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
