i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In America we eat man semen.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
