at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
