Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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