i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
