So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
