oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
