my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I came so hard my ears popped.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
