a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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