It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
