I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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