Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
