did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
