when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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