My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
