Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
