HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
