the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A+ Viking dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
