Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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