He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
