Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
