Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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