I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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