we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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