Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
