his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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