Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
