I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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