girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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