New invention idea: vibrating tampons
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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